| [ just some thoughts` ] |
...
todae was the start of promos.
i woke up late, 0645. all cos of yesterday's bio crash course. killer, but refreshing to the mind like spring water to boiled water (it's alrite if you dun get this one, cos this is a little deeper than wat i'll usually say...)
bah...
left home at like 0715. well, had to wait for everything in the world rite? =S
anyway, trip to sch was a disaster.
traffic jams, obstructive red lites, discerning SLOW drivers.
cant they think of others?
why must they be so discerning? we're all of the same race wat... lest it's your family problems or emergency, i got nth to say...
thought i'll miss gp or sch, since my watch registered 0735 when i only halfway through. lucky me... the latter half of the trip was a relatively smooth ride. reached sch at 0745 =D) ...
gp was the first sub to be tested.
before: i had hated gp, though AL made it better. tiff didn't like em' much. but well. AL pushed, encouraged, joked. i hope all that helped. cos todae didn't hav much feelin' tat gp would go well for me... (haven scored well in norm cts alrdy =X)
anyway, p1 seemed alrite, did qn 8, although qn 2 was circled too. didn't rmb what 2 was about, but here's 8:
to what extent do you agree that the road to peace can be achieved through war?
i hope that kinda eased my mind, cos was reading abt bush these few weeks. cos i'm lagging behind on the times mag. i didn't want to bluff myself about not reading it, so i've been reading it all day long when i'm not on here XD
anyway, it's the first time i did a essay with a template, and 20mp was quite constant, since i'd only been thinking of connecting sentences and thinking of examples... drew mahatma gandhi from qn 10 though =X (tt wasn't meant to, but pen over bullets was sth to write about...)
anyway, wrote only 2 plus one-third sides... john wrote some other qn, and wrote 4sides...
bah... break is only 10 more mins after the last dot on the page... didn't expect so much time left when you use a template. yucks. so i've been struggling through all of these simple things cos i'm obstinate about such stuffs =.=
p2. from the first line of the first passage:
loneliness
thought of myself. the pple around me. you. me again. him. you. me.
bah. this kinda topic will silence me from within. peace from society? or from within oneself? i hesitated for a moment, then took the former...
i need that kinda feeling. i've been left all alone in the crowd all along. i need you to bring me to the lite. to reality. lalalands' been nice, but issit time to wake up yet? i dont know. i paused for like 5 mins after the first para of the second passage. i though of it again. it issn't so easy to shake it all off. that kinda thing is not like water on a canine's fur. you shake it but it doesn't go off.
hit me quite well, rite to the last bit, but the questions seemed to be drawing answers from me. it seemed like they were directed at me. i know, it's tough to let go, but it aint whole with just me. i hate this.
all-one. how nice to hear, but it's just some form to cheer you up. being alone entails being whole with oneself? disgusting thought. no one is perfect, but everyone is whole as one man/woman by himself/herself.
being silent for me means thinking of many other stuff, like non-studies thoughts...
you, me, studies, friends, family, life, you
it's not like i dont want to let go, but the feeling's awful. miserable. painful.
felt empty once before, and i dont want it back!
...
toffler and murray sure had nice and bad things to say about loneliness, but do they know the real meaning of loneliness to someone that issn't rich in anything, inclusive of life? they have high thoughts that are aloft, but they do not follow that many others have stumbled and went into total darkness due to loneliness. some have already kicked the bucket. blacks, indians, malays, blondes. they've been ostracised by society, but is anybody doing anything to help them? even the laws of one's country may have even denied that right! ...
i hope rice can help to deviate the thought that blacks are still inferior to the whites. secetary is she, i hope all turns out well.
finished aq in record time (for me), approx 25/30mins...
...
had another 10 more mins to the end of this paper.
thought about many things though...
everything about me, thoughts that were just flying about, unrestrained, unrestricted mindsets. i didn't want to do that. i didn't expect that kind of ending, but could we talk? ...
i never know...
(the rain started to fall. i could hear the raindrops. i fret that no one has heard that. it hit my heart down low. way lower than it was before...)
-----
runs at 30mins after paper.
was still raining then. took a meal and went over to grandstand to continue the quest on bio. nic abandoned the bags for a meeting wif tiff. i didn't know what they were on, didn't probe, disn't ask.
15mins into the study time, dom wanted to run. still raining la =.=
nic left, through the pac wif the jacket. dom told me. i noticed too, even if he didn't say...
dom was noisy, but raised a few questions that would've never gone through my mind.
main issue? blood
anyway, you cant really study with dom there. serious. i rather be all alone (alrite. i'm back to the loneliness passages...).
i find solitude in silence, from being alone. i thrive as such an environment, but it would've been much better with another that i would've prefered. never mind the remarks. i've never thought of them as harmful. i take comments, be it negative or positive, for compliments to my life.
with you, nothing matters.
1400, dom napped while i raced the time for bio. managed to squeeze inn replication of dna. tough nut to crack.
1500, dom awoke. rain degraded to a light drizzle. decided to go for a run.
did a few intervals, with me falling on the 4th rnd, 3rd bend. guessed i injured my wrist. cant even put a "good"-sign there. could only raise my arm so much for a sign to tell dom tt i was alrite. i was faking it. i didn't felt so. it seemed dislocated, twisted. didn't felt so after 15mins of resting. it was then tat i realli felt exhausted from running intervals. first time feeling that kinda energy being drained from me...
1545 stopped run, back to studying.
went to canteen at 1625. nic's dere, rupert's gone. dom was wondering if he could continue for tt long. hmmm.... i'm not sure too XD ...
was introdued to "wild week", w/o explaination or elaboration. dom just gave a brief description to me over msn. wild. realli wild. too wild.
too many thoughts flashing through the head, words, depicts, phrases, sounds. everything goes...
btw, thx dorlin, for the extra explanation tt you gav on the endothermic rxn of small region to larger region. it's getting more physiochemical =) (i hope tt's the rite term XD)...
i never wanted to stay away...
stop avoiding...
being silent just means dunno how to start...
it doesn't mean that i dun care...
dreaming of you` @
21:54
Monday, September 18, 2006
